It’s been eight months since my second cat, a three-now-four-year-old oscicat, became a permanent part of my household. He was originally my grandfather’s cat. My grandfather loved cats. After the death of his beloved second cat Twinkle, he’d sworn off ever getting another one. When my grandmother got him Tigger, the oscicat, he was comforted by the thought that he would not outlive this feline companion. When he would say this, I would roll my eyes and tell him, “Have you made your appointment with the Grim Reaper?” In my mind, I had no reason to think my grandfather wouldn’t live for years to come. He attended regular medical appointments, was in good spirits, and was mobile. I knew nothing was guaranteed, but having watched my dad’s mom decline slowly after a stroke, I was used to death occurring as a slow inevitability in the elderly, not a sudden occurrence.
After work one day, I got a call from my mother that my grandfather had passed away in his sleep suddenly the previous evening. It would be several more months before my grandmother was ready to move and needed to rehome Tigger. Originally, I had declined to take Tigger as I thought my other cat had a communicable disease. As discussed in a previous post, she made a full recovery, and it was safe to introduce him into the household. The adjustment took time for everyone involved, but after a month or so, it was smooth sailing. He has a personality that is very different from my other cat, and I find the juxtaposition refreshing. He likes to be chased around the living room, sit close to me but not on me, and as time goes on, his confidence grows. What I didn’t expect, still to feel the better part of a year later, is that my grandfather at any moment will be back to get him.
At a recent dental cleaning for Tigger, I realized how close our bond had become. I dropped him off early in the morning. As they took him back, I shouted to his carrier, “No going to see grandpa any time soon.” I waited anxiously until I couldn’t wait any longer. I called in the midafternoon for an update. I was relieved to hear he had done well and would be ready for pickup later that day.
With every day that passes, it sinks in that my grandfather is really gone. A similar process happened with my other cat that had been with my grandmother for several years. I had a feeling my grandmother was going to call me and ask sweetly if I could please drive her cat back to her house in South Carolina because she missed her so much. Because each cat was so beloved by their respective previous owner, as time goes by and that owner doesn’t come back to claim them, it reminds me that they are now my cats. It also reminds me that my grandparents are gone.
I have loved and loved all of my grandparents. I have also been very fortunate that my grandparents were able to be involved in my life well into adulthood. Each of them brought wisdom and unique gifts. My grandmother and grandfather, who have passed away within the past few years, are among the two extended relatives, if not the two extended relatives, with whom I had the most positive relationships. They both lived interesting lives, and I enjoyed hearing about their experiences. I’m grateful I had them in my life for as long as I did and in good health for as long as I did. As the heaviness of grief has lifted, I still carry what I learned from them with me. I have fewer moments of feeling guilty when I feel joy and happiness. I know they were proud of me. I continue to find small ways to honor them. One of the ways I do that is by loving the cats I know they loved too.
Living on the Spectrum 
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