Autism Pride
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The Price We Pay
This is the price we pay: knowing from childhood that we are different from other girls, desperately trying to connect, yet still left on the outside. We experience soaring highs and crushing lows, living with crippling anxiety that can only be turned down, never tuned out. We yearn for human connection, but too often, our…
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Creating Accessible Fourth of July Celebrations
Growing up, I always enjoyed the Fourth of July. The food we had was always something I could enjoy. We would have burgers, made of beef and turkey, hot dogs, also made of beef or turkey, coleslaw (always without onions), baked beans, pickles, and other sides depending on what everyone else was in the mood…
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College, Seizures, & Isolation
Dealing with suppressed memories has been a gift; it has helped me face my uncomfortable college memories. I remember feeling distant from my peers and often angry with them. At first, I never understood the source of that anger. They were experimenting with substances in ways I never did. I had two seizures in high…
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Understanding Autism and Its Mental Health Challenges
When I was in elementary school, I read A Real Boy, a book by a mother whose child received an autism diagnosis. It changed the way I thought about autism forever. The family of three—the mother, a journalist; the father, an attorney; and their son—go on a journey, seeking first a diagnosis and then therapies.…
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Hidden in Pain
I need to hide. Any dark place will do. Maybe, if I disappear, the memories will fade. If I get small enough— if I am quiet enough— Maybe the memories will let me go. They all need to go: the pain, the torment, the ache of never being rescued. Is there a place I can…
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Moving On From Quiet Roots
I still live within 10 minutes of where I grew up, but that will change within the next two years. I can’t wait to move somewhere new. For a long time, I believed staying close was good for my mental stability. Minimizing change while I figured out other parts of my life was helpful, but…
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Brain Bleed
I just need some peace. Why won’t it let me sleep? My invisible brain bleed leapt out of my head— it struck you, my brother, while we lay in our own beds. This battle is eating me alive. Why did it take so long to contain this? Why can’t we move on? Why can’t I…
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The Honest Town
There was once a town where everyone was brutally honest, and no one said they thought someone looked good in a dress when they looked fat. In this spirit of straightforwardness, shoes that pinched people’s feet and caused blisters weren’t made or sold. Sometimes, the population of this town made the occasional odd noise because…
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Navigating Relationships: Acceptance and Boundaries
I am not all-powerful. Sometimes, I wish I were. In senior living, I quickly learned my favorite residents—my new friends—could be gone from one week to the next. Nothing I did could keep them here. One summer, I grew close to a woman whose TV blared soap operas. Her calming presence reminded me of my…
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Finding Balance: Therapy, Autism, and Personal Growth
I’m a big advocate of therapy. For over a decade, I’ve been in and out of various therapists’ offices, and I still attend at least monthly. Lately, though, I’ve dreaded my sessions for two clear reasons: first, I struggle with ongoing motivation connected to my autism and the social challenges it brings; second, discussing painful…
Living on the Spectrum 