Mental Health
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Preparing for Exams: Lessons from a Testing Experience
For days, it felt like a desert, metaphorically and literally. We were stuck with nothing to do while the air was thick with heat. The air conditioning in the building was broken for the first few days of what we called “Audit,” or what I called “The audit.” I’m not sure which is closer to…
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Waiting Room Wars
It never started with shouting, even though that was how this confrontation devolved. The entrance to the office was far from the check-in desk, and awkward eye contact would be established before a word could be spoken. When I had to sit at check-in, I hoped a furtive smile would convey that what was to…
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Middle School Reflections
As I’ve been processing different memories recently, I’ve been thinking about a specific time in my life. In sixth grade, I went from being homeschooled to attending the local public middle school. I would describe this transition as difficult, but attending public school wasn’t traumatic in itself. What I’ve been thinking about specifically is whether,…
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The Price We Pay
This is the price we pay: knowing from childhood that we are different from other girls, desperately trying to connect, yet still left on the outside. We experience soaring highs and crushing lows, living with crippling anxiety that can only be turned down, never tuned out. We yearn for human connection, but too often, our…
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Creating Accessible Fourth of July Celebrations
Growing up, I always enjoyed the Fourth of July. The food we had was always something I could enjoy. We would have burgers, made of beef and turkey, hot dogs, also made of beef or turkey, coleslaw (always without onions), baked beans, pickles, and other sides depending on what everyone else was in the mood…
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Navigating Dental Visits as an Autistic Adult
I like to watch “Come with me” YouTube videos. One of my favorites is by a lovely YouTuber who is a wheelchair user and writes about her life as a mom of six. In that spirit, I share my own experience of going to quarterly dental visits as an autistic adult. Instead of going every…
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College, Seizures, & Isolation
Dealing with suppressed memories has been a gift; it has helped me face my uncomfortable college memories. I remember feeling distant from my peers and often angry with them. At first, I never understood the source of that anger. They were experimenting with substances in ways I never did. I had two seizures in high…
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Understanding Autism and Its Mental Health Challenges
When I was in elementary school, I read A Real Boy, a book by a mother whose child received an autism diagnosis. It changed the way I thought about autism forever. The family of three—the mother, a journalist; the father, an attorney; and their son—go on a journey, seeking first a diagnosis and then therapies.…
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Hidden in Pain
I need to hide. Any dark place will do. Maybe, if I disappear, the memories will fade. If I get small enough— if I am quiet enough— Maybe the memories will let me go. They all need to go: the pain, the torment, the ache of never being rescued. Is there a place I can…
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Moving On From Quiet Roots
I still live within 10 minutes of where I grew up, but that will change within the next two years. I can’t wait to move somewhere new. For a long time, I believed staying close was good for my mental stability. Minimizing change while I figured out other parts of my life was helpful, but…
