“Princess and the Pea: Autistic?”

To: The Office of Her Royal Highness Princess Winifred (commonly known as the Princess from The Princess and the Pea)  

To her royal highness:

I’m writing to you firstly to congratulate you on your impending nuptials. Such a joyous affair is to be celebrated throughout the land! The rest of the realm and I look forward to celebrating your union with the prince. In your new role as future queen consort, you’ve undoubtedly been informed of the travel you’ll soon be undertaking to meet the people you’ll one day be ruling, the foreign heads of state you’ll be representing the government on royal tours with, and the countless chairs you’ll be sitting on in ceremonies in your honor. Your fiancé and his family reached out to me, and I hope you won’t find it impertinent if I suggest you might benefit from our services. If you were able to detect a pea underneath a pile of feather-stuffed mattresses and that rendered you sleepless, they thought it might be prudent if we assisted you with exposure therapy to uncomfortable cushions, mattresses, and other textures. Not only will we assist you with this kind of exposure therapy, but we will also help you design adaptive mattress toppers, seat cushions, and anything else you might need for the life you are soon to embark upon.

My name is Reed Cushion-Windsor. The Royal Occupational Therapy Associates have been serving royal families and helping them find comfort when they find discomfort and cope with awkwardness for at least a century. We were founded when a king’s distant cousin had socialization difficulties, and he wanted life to be easier for his young cousin. He soon discovered that his cousin needed more services, such as custom clothing, which were also useful for elderly royals. Soon, our services expanded as other royal families visiting noticed our novel approach. At different points in our lives, we all need a bit of help, and we are here to help make the occupations of life more accessible.

We look forward to meeting with you soon. Please write back to me at your earliest convenience to let me know what time works best for you.

P.S. It was mentioned that you find ball gowns quite itchy, we can also assist you with that.