To the Newly Diagnosed Child

Hello, My Dear Child,

     You’ve officially been diagnosed with autism. I want this letter to read like a welcome to Hogwarts Letter. So I got diagnosed at the age of 23, and that was after many, many mental health struggles that I couldn’t understand. For me, my diagnosis was a relief, a source of empowerment. It was like finally understanding a puzzle that had been confusing me for so long. I had tried to behave like other neurotypical women. But now, I see the unique gifts that come with being on the spectrum, and I want you to see them too.

I bought a pair of skinny jeans in high school, for example. They were a black pair that were a bit stretchier than the other pairs I had tried on. I liked the way they looked, but they felt so hot. My legs were always covered in sweat when I would take them off, and I felt like the button at the top was digging into my stomach every time I wore them. I tell you this story because there will be times when you can choose to do something simple, like wearing leggings or sweatpants to school instead of skinny jeans. But the pressure of wanting to fit in was so very strong. I encourage you in those moments when you want to fit in, but it might cause pain or discomfort, to not feel shame, no matter what you try. One of the wonderful things about life is that there is always another opportunity to make a different choice around the corner.

Remember, my dear, your unique perspective is a gift to the world. I’ve always understood autism to be caused by some parts of the brain having too much “wiring” compared to other parts of the brain. While this can create difficulties with social interactions, sensory issues, and some people with autism can struggle with planning and prioritizing tasks, it’s equally important to recognize the unique benefits that come with autism.  I have a lot of wiring when it comes to how my brain and body experience textures and smells, for example. This heightened sensitivity has also given me an advantage when it comes to focusing and mastering something I’m interested in. It helped me pass my AP exams in high school, return to school while working full-time, and change careers. I used to think my life would be so much better if I weren’t autistic. I thought I would have picked the perfect job the first time, met your dad sooner, and just had less suffering. It occurred to me one day that I would have ended up with different struggles. My neurotypical siblings have struggled with mental health at times, and picking a career, and they’re not autistic. Be careful not to think that you are a burden on other people around or that you should be different. Those of us with disabilities invite those who live with us and alongside us to view the world differently. Getting to know us is an invitation to seeing the world through a new set of eyes. Disability is part of the human experience. Most people who are not currently disabled end up with a disability before their life ends. We just happen to be ahead of the curve. Your unique perspective is a gift, a light that shines brightly in this world. 

Any hardships we face in the long term make us more compassionate, self-aware, and better able to sit with those who are hurting. There will be those who don’t understand you and who might be unkind because of your differences. Unkindness towards others always reflects a lack of self-compassion and love. This is a problem they are having, not you. Feel the pain and move on to other people, circumstances, and experiences that make you feel alive, valued, and fulfilled. You are capable of so much. Never be afraid to try something. Failure yields as many, if not more, lessons than success. Remember, unpleasant or even painful seasons of life don’t last forever; they will be different. If they are not different tomorrow, they will be different the day after or the day after that. You have the strength to endure and the hope for a brighter future. 

You’re so wonderful just the way you are. From your laugh, smile, stubbornness, and love of the many things that make you happy. You are a light in this world, keep on shining. Remember, your uniqueness is not a flaw; it’s a superpower that makes you special and valuable. Embrace it and let it guide you in your journey. 

Ivy