Capable

I’ve been meditating on how the standards for those with disabilities can be different than those without them. I didn’t get my diagnosis until I was well into adulthood so I was just expected to achieve like my neurotypical siblings. I have to say, when I tell people I have level one, I’m met with a combination of responses that makes me want to educate the whole boomer populous about ableism. The conversation typically goes something like this. I tell someone I have autism and they look as though they’ve been hit over the head with a frying pan. They inevitably say “You don’t seem autistic”. I did not know that autism looked a certain way but apparently, I don’t fit whatever mold they have in their brains. This first comment is followed by “You’re so social”. What they mean to say is “You mask your discomfort with socializing so well”. These comments annoy and anger me for a few reasons. The first is that once you meet one person with autism, you have only met one person with autism. It is a spectrum. The second is that I have to pretend to be okay socializing FOR MY JOB. This comment is typically from medical sales reps who seem astounded that I can hold a conversation. Eventually, we arrive at the comment that it’s amazing how I can work, date, etc. By this time, my tongue might be bleeding from how much I’ve bitten it. 

People have got to stop expecting less from those with disabilities. The reason people expect less from us is that the world isn’t built for us to navigate with ease. It takes tremendous effort to exist in a world that isn’t made with you in mind. However, expecting people with a disability to simply remain at home and pout is ridiculous. Instead, people should be asking themselves why people with disabilities aren’t able to be more active in their communities. I also feel as though people expect me not to be able to enjoy my life because I’m different. I’m not sure how awful my life is supposed to be but it’s not up to their standards. If society were more accessible, there would be no reason those with a disability couldn’t lead as rich and full a life as anyone else. I am very well aware that I am in an immense place of privilege to lead the life I do. I have a support system, and financial resources, amongst other resources. It shouldn’t be up to the luck of the draw what resources those with a disability have access to. I sometimes feel guilty that I get to lead as good of a life as I do because I know others don’t have what I do and are just as deserving as I am. 

Another reason setting expectations for those who are on the spectrum is important is because it helps us develop skills we will need later in life. I thought my dad’s obsession with independence and self-sufficiency was a bit much growing up. Now I’m very grateful that my parents focused on being able to take care of themselves. There can be too many good things and having people around oneself is important as well. What I’m trying to communicate but having a hard time doing is that my dad was clear that the world wouldn’t cut me a break because of my disability and that I needed to know how to take care of myself the best I could. I didn’t always like hearing that but it did prepare me well for living on my own and navigating other challenges. 

People with disabilities are just as capable as their nondisabled peers of accomplishing. The focus should be on providing the proper support for each individual. I don’t want to be one of the few adults with autism who can access meaningful employment. I don’t want to be one of the few that can enjoy a happy and healthy romantic relationship. Everyone should have access to learning the skills that make having these experiences possible. I’m not sure what the solution to making sure everyone has these resources is but I think the first step is calling attention to the issue.