Overcoming Judgment: A Path to Understanding and Compassion

I recently reconnected with someone I went to high school with. Until recently, I only spoke to one person with whom I went to high school. There are several parts of my life that I try not to spend lots of time thinking about. Being ashamed of those past lives is not accurate. I’m proud of how long I survived without the needed knowledge and support. I heard a comparison that compared dealing with an unresolved difficulty to doing what it takes to return to shore after being adrift in the ocean. This resonated with me deeply. I didn’t always relate to people in the ways I hoped. I couldn’t enjoy college the way I wished I could. In my teens and early twenties, I felt that I was perpetually being judged. There’s no way of knowing how much of this was in my head and how much of it was happening in reality. But what I do know is that it took immense effort and strength to keep going.
What I realize now and what has helped me make peace with those past experiences is that I was doing what I had to survive. Most importantly, I got to the other side of the trials and tribulations. It doesn’t matter if others judged me because they weren’t in my brain and body. I made my own choices and did the best I could for myself. When I was hanging out with my former high school classmate, he said something interesting. ” I thought the adults had it under control. I thought you already had a diagnosis, and there was a sign somewhere saying this girl has autism; help her with things”. This statement released me from something that has haunted me for years. I made mistakes in high school that I regret and was socially awkward. There have been times when I would have given anything to go back in time and tell my classmates, ” I’m sorry; I know I’m a bit much sometimes, but there’s a reason, and I’m grateful for your patience.” This journey of self-acceptance has taught me the importance of self-compassion. It’s a lesson I want to share with others so they can feel understood and cared for.
So many people—teachers, friends, classmates, family, and friends—helped me get to where I am today. There’s no way I’ll ever be able to track down everyone who kept me alive and whole until I got my diagnosis and was able to start healing. This blog post is dedicated to anyone and everyone who has helped me. I’ll always be grateful, and I try to have a positive impact on those around me. I want to help others because so many people have helped me.
A lesson I also took away from that conversation with my high school classmate is that everyone around us is much less interested in us than we think. Doing the best we can to extend grace to those around us and practicing gratitude for the grace extended to us is one way to attain inner peace, which I have found effective.