Embracing My Nurturing Phase: A Journey Beyond Parenthood

I’ve entered my mothering phase. If one takes issue with me referring to myself as a mother because I have not birthed a child, then you may refer to it as my nurturing era. Eight months into my current relationship with a father of a young child, once again a cat owner, and having gotten involved in the foster care ministry at my church, I am now more involved with caring for living beings than ever. I know I am not a parent to my boyfriend’s son, but I do caretaking activities with him when he is here. If I hadn’t been dating a parent, weekends would have been filled with board games at breweries, Netflix marathons, and other less-than-toddler-friendly activities now spent at indoor or outdoor playgrounds. I was wondering how I would find this new phase of life, and I love it. I am going to refer to my boyfriend’s son as Child. Child splits his time between two households and there are childfree weekends to be had. One of the most recent child-free weekends was spent sorting out a Costco membership lost in the mail. As I stood in line, I tried to imagine the difficult task of keeping him engaged and not losing him in the throngs of people that converge on any Costco on the weekend. Other uses of time when he is not around involved studying for my certification exams, spending time with Willow, or doing other mundane tasks that would be infinitely more difficult with a toddler needing to be contained.
While I love Child, and he has brought so much joy, laughter, and wonder into my life, the living being that is constantly needy and with whom I interact daily is Willow, my eight-year-old Siamese mix cat. When we were all little, my mom often bemoaned that she couldn’t go to the bathroom without being summoned. Willow has bestowed the same gift upon me. She will yowl, protest, and stick her paws under the door if she cannot enter the bathroom. If she is permitted to enter, she’s developed a new trick. She will sit on the counter, and while I am doing something else, she will reach one paw across and tap me on the shoulder. It freaks me out sometimes because it feels like a human is tapping me on the shoulder. She wants attention, and I’m happy to give it to her, but it’s not always the best time. She is similar to Child in that she doesn’t always want to be touched but wants you close by. She will lie near me or sit close to where I am sitting but doesn’t necessarily want to be touched. Child will scream and screech if he is touched when he doesn’t like it. What I find so funny is he is Mr. Independent until his dad or I am out of view.
In December, we took him to a McDonald’s with an indoor playground. We let him go into the playground while his dad ordered the food. I was retrieving my water bottle from our table just around the corner. It wasn’t more than a few steps from the playground, but he couldn’t see either of us. I heard a child screaming as I was about to grab the bottle. With his hands and face pushed up against the glass door to the play area, Child was crying. Since this incident, I have been careful to ensure that when we take him places, he can always see one of us. Willow also likes to be able to have