We too are Fiddlers

In the opening song from Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye discusses how his world is organized by tradition in the village and at a micro level. The song explains the role everyone plays, and the song ends with Tevye saying that they are all like a fiddler on the roof, trying to balance the challenges of everyday life and their faith, like a fiddler trying to scratch out a toon while balancing precariously on a rooftop. This was the one theatrical production I was a part of growing up. Somehow, I got to be the fiddler, and the lesson I took from that experience was musical theater was a time commitment that I wasn’t interested in replicating. Mind you, it was all elementary and middle school-aged children. Maybe the lady putting on the play needed more time to prepare because we were all new to performing, but it felt like an eternity of rehearsal in my young mind. 

Anyway, to get back to the subject at hand, I was reading an article yesterday about two conservative parents of a young gay man who struggled to find a way to accept their son because they felt it would be a betrayal of their faith. I was surprised to find out that they had moved from Texas to Georgia and don’t live too far away from where I live now. The article told the story of their family and how they eventually made peace and were able to have a loving, accepting relationship with their son and hold onto their faith. After finishing the article, I was left reflecting on how many people are balancing what seems to be two opposing values and are dealing with the internal turmoil of feeling torn between the two. 

As I read the article, I was outraged at how they treated their son when he first came out to them. Did they not know the damage they were causing to their teenage son by telling him that he needed to be fixed? How could a loving person say that to their child? After feeling enraged, I started to think, what was this man’s experience that led him to believe this way? What was he fearful of or trying to avoid? Too often, I have found myself judging someone’s actions and deciding based on one opinion or decision that they are someone I could never tolerate or desire to get to know. Tevye has a tenuous relationship with a Russian constable in the musical. They drink together and genuinely seem to get along. This friendship comes to a painful end when the same constable is given the task of evicting Tevye and the entire Jewish population from their homes. The friendship was already circling the drain due to a pogrom during Tevye’s oldest daughter’s wedding. While I love Fiddler On the Roof, the friendship between the and the soldier doesn’t provide a hopeful model for how different people can have a meaningful relationship. The article from CNN provided a more hopeful character arc. 

After the mom experiences breast cancer, she and her husband decide to repair the relationship with their son. The family of three now advocates for acceptance in the conservative Christian community, even hosting conferences on the subject. These two examples show what can happen when you give someone different from you a chance to get to know you and you get to know them. Unfortunately, some choose to lean into their fear, bigotry, etc.. The constable carries out orders instead of standing up for his friends and neighbors. Sometimes the people we show hospitality to break our hearts with their choices. On the flip side, sometimes they will surprise us and meet us halfway. The world needs more people to practice hospitality, be open-minded, and extend grace. Now everything has its place, and moderation is important. I also do not suggest that if someone actively harms you, you should put yourself in a position to be harmed further. I just think that with all the bickering and anger that seems to be becoming more common, having a conversation with our neighbor who we might also disagree with isn’t a bad thing. Finding common ground is one of the most important exercises I have ever engaged in. Might we all endeavor to find balance in our lives like the fiddler does on the roof?