I recently read an article by Forbes titled “Women can’t fix the ‘broken rung’ unless they acknowledge the role they play in workplace bullying and discrimination.” I proceeded to read the article, which echoed my workplace experiences. The author went on to recount a story of the bullying she experienced in the workplace from someone who was above her in the corporate hierarchy of the organization she was working at. There were passive-aggressive jibes; the promotion she was given came with the promotion. The feeling of needing support from the women who have gone before you and receiving nothing but cruelty and pain is something I have experienced firsthand. I have always had a hard time relating to women my age. My journey started in middle school when, from my perspective, girls my age focused on fashion, popularity, and a host of interests that I couldn’t relate to. Around this time, I started watching shows on TLC about topics that would be coded as uber-feminine. I watched Say Yes to the Dress, What Not to Wear, Four Weddings, and many romantic comedies. In retrospect, I believe I dived into these shows because I didn’t understand how I was supposed to be feminine, and I wanted to know how to relate to other young women my age. This flawed research project yielded no results. I entered high school just as clueless.
In middle and high school, I got used to mocking what women my age were, not that I didn’t understand. I didn’t bully anyone directly, and my conversations with my peers were almost always in the privacy of my home or with one close friend. The judgment of my peers was my own. I knew I didn’t fit in and felt like I didn’t. I didn’t like myself, so I couldn’t extend grace to anyone else. The self-loathing led to a mental health crisis that I’ve covered in my blog previously. I share all these things because the world often isn’t nice to women, and it’s increasingly challenging to navigate adolescence safely and healthfully. The article’s author points out that women typically view workplace opportunities through a lens of scarcity. If you combine that with women not learning how to be kind to themselves, this sets the stage for an ever-woman-for-herself mentality that lends itself to workplace bullying.
My experiences with workplace bullying, I believe, stem in part from being autistic and not picking up on social cues. I know that I could’ve been bullied in the workplace as a neurotypical woman. Not picking up on social cues gave my bullies more ammunition, and their pointing out what I already knew were my weak points was difficult. I would have panic attacks and sobbing spells in the bathroom. I would call my parents crying and wanting to quit that job more often than I can count. After the woman who made my life the most hellish left, someone else started at that job, and I want this blog post to be hopeful. When women support each other, there is a lot of power and healing. The woman who worked with me next taught me more about workplace dynamics, professionalism, and communication. I’ve had many positive female role models in my personal and professional life. When it comes to women with Autism, navigating the workplace can be difficult and painful. I recommend you find someone at your church, workplace, etc, who you can ask for advice. They don’t have to be in your industry, but they need to be someone you respect and trust. Both people’s values must align so that the counsel aligns with your goals. Through these relationships, not only can we learn a lot about ourselves and the world around us, but they can also be a healing experience if you haven’t had healthy, meaningful relationships with other women before.
Women need not bully other women in the workplace. Just because two women work together doesn’t mean they need to be friends, but they should be civil and professional, just like they would with any colleague. We must take an active role in our healing and empowerment in the workplace. We can and should do a lot to improve the workplace.
Living on the Spectrum 
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