Being Single Can be Great Fun

I have been obsessed with romance since I was a child. I must have been around five or six when my ad made up a story regarding a couple going to live in a castle. I continued the tradition by telling myself romantic stories most nights before falling asleep. It’s still a coping mechanism I use to this day. I also grew up in a family with two parents who are still happily married. I assumed that the goal of life was to find a partner and build a life together. Over time, I realized there was more to life than romantic companionship. The importance of romantic companionship never wavered or waned over time. While the importance didn’t necessarily change, it took up less of the pie in my mind of what made a whole life. There were so many things to explore as I grew into myself. I’ve traveled, made friends, gone back to school, taken up new hobbies, conquered an eating disorder, and changed careers in my twenties. For a long time after the breakup, I felt terrified of turning twenty-nine. In my mind, reaching that age meant I would never have a family, marriage, etc.. In the past week, I’ve realized that I have accomplished much in my twenties. My most significant accomplishments have been getting to know myself and accepting myself. 

Just because I haven’t found my long-term romantic partner yet doesn’t mean that I haven’t accomplished a lot in the past almost nine years. It also doesn’t mean I will never be a wife or mother. I still desire those things, but I am trying to spend the time I have right now enjoying what I have. I’m grateful for my family, friends, job, and faith. I have been spending a lot of time writing, which has brought me immeasurable peace and joy. I’ve been posting chapters of the story I’ve been working on on this blog. For so long, I told myself there was no point in writing fiction. I’m not going to be as impactful as J.K. Rowling. If I’m not going to be a great author, what is the point of writing the stories I want to? I have concluded that the art I create doesn’t need to be loved by others; it is enough that I love and enjoy making it. I haven’t ever written fiction before.

My only experience with writing has been writing the blog posts I have posted here. Venturing into fiction has been an unexpected pleasure. The characters and the stories I have started writing are stories I have had pieces of in my head and heart since I was a child. The White family was always present when I told my sister the tales, but they seemed distant acquaintances. I didn’t know their personalities, how they moved through the world, etc. Now that I’m writing about the characters in greater detail, they are starting to feel more like friends. They are not good friends yet, but their familiarity is growing. It’s also another kind of adventure I have never gone on. There are these living, breathing people, I’ve created in my mind and put on paper. This might all sound odd, but I’m waiting for them to show me what to write next. I once read a book for summer reading in high school where someone in the book compared writing fiction to driving down a dark road, the dark road being the development of a character. The author doesn’t know the final destination until they arrive. This is how I feel about my current writing project. The journey the characters will go on is starting to come into more precise focus, but I won’t know until I arrive at the final destination with the characters. 

I’ve also been spending more time with family recently and have planned some vacations for the fall. This is the first time in my life that I have enjoyed being single. Being in a relationship can be wonderful but also takes up a lot of time. I have felt pressure when I’ve been in relationships not to put many demands on my free time. Whether that meant not taking a part-time job, limiting my time on hobbies, or compromising on a weekend with what I would do with my partner, being single has allowed me to be selfish in pursuing what brings me joy. I don’t expect this phase of life to last forever. I hope at some point, I’ll fall in love again and share my life with another person. Until that happens, I will enjoy what my life is like now.