It was God who once told Moses, “ I have heard the cries of my people” and then sent Moses to free the Hebrews from their enslavement. Over the decade I’ve been dating, I too have heard a cry from people. The cry I have heard is from men who winge and complain that women don’t take the initiative, they get stuck paying for dates, and it’s exhausting to be expected to initiate interest in a romantic partner. Upon hearing a particularly loud complaint four years ago, I decided to do my part to solve the crisis of men feeling taken advantage of. Before I continue, I would like to deconstruct these men’s victim mentality. I think the real complaint is that they pay for dates, plan dates, etc and the outcome they desire doesn’t occur. If they did all that planning and work which led to the desired result they wouldn’t be complaining. This complaint wreaks off that person was only worthy of my investment if they gave me what I wanted. This view of women and dating is problematic. I would also like to point out that if you don’t want to pay for dates, it’s okay to ask someone to pay for themselves on a date. There is nothing wrong with going Dutch. My best guess is that men don’t ask this on the front end because it would leave an impression that said men don’t want to portray. Their lack of boundaries and communication on the front end of a date is their problem. Anyways, I did think it was unfair men are never romanced. So I decided to make a concerted effort to ask men out more.
Since it’s been almost three months since the breakup, I’ve been slowly re-entering the dating sphere. I would guess I’ve asked out around five or six guys and only one has responded to said invitation. I’m not referring to taking me up on the offer of a date, I mean giving me an answer at all. I’ve been using a dating app since I don’t tend to run into a plethora of single men in my social life. So far whenever I ask a gentleman out, they either ignore the offer as if their ability to read ceased with that message or they promptly unmatch me on the app. I am not so arrogant to think that I’m the fairest lady in the land, but I also don’t think I’m so ugly that it warrants being ignored as often as I am. I haven’t been able to collect enough data to come to a consensus. I have a few guesses as to why I’m being ignored and I’m sure one of them is not the variety of said offered dates. I’ve offered going to a brewery, coffee, brunch, breakfast, lunch, dinner, live music, and on and on and on. Another hypothesis could be that men complain and say they want women to initiate contact but that’s not actually what they want. That couldn’t be it, could it? Men saying they want women to do something but then feeling emasculated when a woman does take action, no! A distinct possibility is that the men who I have heard complain simply don’t want to be rejected by the women they pursue and the complaining that women don’t initiate is a way to view themselves as better than the women they are rejected by. Now I would like to include a few disclaimers with my above rant.
I’m aware that the anecdotal evidence I’ve collected is likely not representative of all men who are dating, trying to date, etc. I’m aware that they are likely men who would be thrilled to be asked on a date and would actually answer either in the affirmative or in the negative. I did not think that asking men out would result in me being inundated with dates. I did think that I would at least get an answer either way. Dating is hard and one thing that would make it easier in my estimation would be honesty and clear communication. If anyone else is having dating troubles, please comment so we can commiserate together.
Living on the Spectrum 
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