Building a life worth living

I’ve been on a new adventure since the breakup that occurred almost two months ago. The first part has been grieving the life I used to have when I was in that relationship. For about a month everything felt like it was going well. After two years of applying to different jobs, I finally had a job that I enjoyed and was making enough money to start saving for future expenses. After four or five years of struggling to reach the life I wanted, I was at peace. I had a relationship that I was happy in and I was making progress in my career. In my mind, we were on a path to engagement, marriage, kids, and a life we would build together. I was looking forward to the future we were planning. I’ve wanted to be a wife and mom since I was in middle school. With everything seeming within reach, I felt like I could relax after struggling for so many years in my personal and professional life. Now that I have to start over, it’s been difficult emotionally. I have started to realize that to fully heal, I need to start painting a new picture of what my life can look like. Not having hope and staring into an uncertain future leaves me pining after what I used to have.

The first area of my life where I’ve been renewing my focus is my career. Last year I completed my second bachelor’s degree which helped me focus on what I enjoy. It pointed me in the direction of healthcare data analysis, data security, and finance. I still don’t know exactly what job title I would enjoy the most long term but I’m having a good time learning about an area of my industry that is intellectually stimulating and pays well. As I continue to further my education and knowledge, it has also proved to be a wonderful distraction when my personal life has been in shambles lately. I’ve also been given more responsibility at work lately which has been a distraction. I’m not sure it’s a welcome distraction yet, but it’s nice to be trusted and appreciated in the workplace. For so long I was given negative feedback exclusively at work. Having finally found a niche where I get positive feedback and enjoy what I’m doing, it’s very satisfying. I also felt when I was in a relationship I needed to leave on time and avoid working late because I wanted to be sure I was spending quality time with my partner. Now that I am single, I have the freedom to not feel like I have to rush out of work if my coworkers need assistance. I don’t make a habit of working extra every day, but I’m also very aware that this is a time when I can invest more in my career. There will be priorities in my future that will be more important than studying for certification exams. I want to have the freedom then to invest my time in my family and friends. It feels strange to be following in my parent’s footsteps when it comes to professional development. Each of them has at different points invested in their careers. Last night I took a textbook to the gym to read while I was doing the recumbent cycle bike. I felt like I was channeling my dad who would read books about programming while I had horseback riding lessons. I don’t want this studying to go on forever but having distractions while grieving is important. 

When it comes to my personal life, I’m trying to invest and grow what I already value. I continue to be involved in my church and plan activities for the young adults group. This year I plan on taking two vacations. One will be to Nashville and the other will be to Willmington North Carolina. I now plan on eventually moving further north to be close to my parents and the north Georgia mountains have always been a sanctuary for me. I believe that I will still have a family, a dog, and the life I want, it just will be on a different timetable and that’s okay.