It’s been almost two months since I started my current job. This job has many of the qualities that I was looking for in a new position. I wanted to have my own space so that I could decompress if needed. I also wanted there to be clear performance metrics that I could ensure I was meeting. I learned at my last job that a position that was “client-facing” or “customer-facing” was not a good idea for me. It’s hard to continually get emotionally and verbally abused by customers because of their pain in the long term. The skills necessary to succeed in a position like my previous job are not typically found in those who have autism spectrum disorder.

Another important feature of a new job is having the autonomy to make the best choices for me. At my last job if I wanted to do my tasks in a certain order, I felt like there was always someone looking over my shoulder to make sure it was done the way they wanted it to be done. At this job no one cares if I rearrange the order of tasks as long as I get my work done. What matters most is meeting productivity metrics and minimizing mistakes while maximizing productivity.

While this job is going well, I have found the struggle I’m dealing with most often is the internal struggle. I want to learn what I need to know quickly and get it right the first time. I have a hard time being hard on myself and getting frustrated when I make a mistake. I’m proud of my work ethic so far, and I’m grateful that I have good coworkers and a good supervisor who is providing comprehensive training.

A decision I made differently when starting this job compared to past jobs was disclosing my autism within the first few weeks of starting. I didn’t disclose it the first day because I wanted to get a lay of the land before sharing such personal information. I didn’t disclose when starting my last job, and my reactions wound up often misconstrued. I’ve also found that disclosing helps those with whom I’m working understand me in a deeper and more meaningful way. I want to exist authentically in my workplace. I want to raise awareness of the different ways autism can be experienced by individuals. Autism is a spectrum, and I wish there was more diversity in the levels of autism portrayed in the media. On top of that, I want to prove that people with autism can make positive contributions to the workplace and are wonderful people to have as coworkers. I don’t expect to change the world by disclosing, but I want to advocate for myself and my community in any way I can.

I’ve been chronically stressed for so many years. In college, my constant depression and anxiety had me in what felt like a perpetual state of fight or flight. Then there were the struggles upon entering the workforce that, when combined with my already poor mental health, led to my debacle in 2019. It’s been close to half a decade since then, and now that I’m in a job that pays well and is aligned with what’s important to me as a person, the lack of stress feels very strange. I often find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. Life being this good and stress-free doesn’t feel real. I’m so used to suffering for long periods of time. Now that I’m not suffering actively anymore, I don’t always know what to do with myself. It’s an odd situation to be in, but I have to admit it’s a less strenuous change to adapt to than my past suffering.